Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My cheeks hurt

I didn't exactly know what to title this post.... I could've called it "smiles" or "being home" or "unbroken"....

2012 up to this point was probably my least favorite year. And I've struggled trying to fight my way out of the hole my life had become. And quite honestly I felt completely abandoned. Finding out your entire marriage was based on lies is really hard to deal with. And being left alone is even worse. I had great moments with people who have shown me love and supported me, but honestly I fell apart. I didn't need moments I needed constant support. In the middle of this, not knowing how I was going to make it, I got help from the most unlikely person. Who told me he had always promised to be there and he hadn't lived up to it, but he was going to now.

Rex moved back to Colorado. He singlehandedly fixed every problem in my house. I now have a dog run, fixed porch, clean and lovely grass in my yard. my lights are all replaced, my garage is organized... and that all happened within a few days.

He took our kids and gave them all the attention and love they deserve and hadn't been getting. While I literally worked or slept for an entire month, he made sure they were okay. I didn't realize how broken I felt with everything until he took over and told me it was okay to rest and take care of me.

He took care of me. I finally could breathe knowing he was going to treat my children the way I would. I wouldn't have to worry about him being too mean or hurting them. He was going to force me to take a break, remind me of how amazing I am, and be proud of everything I had done. Remind me that I am not broken and I am someone who should be treasured.

I understand that there are going to be a lot of people who don't like this happening. Who are going to be angry with me or him and have the thought process of "how could you forgive or forget..." I lived in a relationship that was truly only trying to please everyone else. Trying to force myself to stay somewhere my heart didn't want to be, and knew it was bad for me and my children. Forgiveness, especially with someone who has changed is not difficult. I don't have to force anything now, I don't have to please anyone but myself and my children. If you dislike this, please keep it to yourself, I'm only accepting love and support into my life.  

I didn't exactly expect to start pouring out everything and of course I'm not exactly going to tell every little detail but I finally feel like I came back to life. And my heart has opened more than I ever thought possible. For someone who really messed up, someone who really hurt me, abandoned me, broke my entire soul into pieces.... That man is making us whole, is giving me the chance to find those broken pieces. There are still moments of "you did this..." from the past but when those issues are no longer happening you can't hold onto them forever. The best part of this is hope. I have not felt hope for myself or kids for so long. And now all I have is hope... 

All feelings aside... how do you not want to be with this guy? He's HOT!

 It literally hasn't been completely easy allowing him back, I remember taking this picture and still feeling so sad and scared.

This felt like the beginning of hope 

For those who may not know me that well... This is a real genuine smile and looking back I haven't smiled like this for years

Seriously, so happy, so loved, so complete

I'm not the only one who's smiling a lot more

It's these moments when I feel like it has become heaven. Just walking in the room and seeing this made me cry. I suddenly remembered that while we were not legally together, our family was still sealed forever. 

Something good... Oh to only have to pick one thing... He grills the most AMAZING steak!

1 comment:

  1. So happy for your cute family! :) I love when life seems to fall apart and then mold into something better!