Monday, April 2, 2012

Curse this day

April is notoriously not my favorite month. Big things in my life always seem to happen in April. The most common day being the 2nd. I got engaged on this date and twice now I have signed divorce papers on April 2.

Today was on of those miserable, so windy your scarf will choke you, gray sky, kind of days. I worked last night but didn't go to sleep today so to top it off I've been awake for about 32ish hours. My front window which had a crack but the glass company couldn't figure out how to replace the pane and has been calling around for 3months finally shattered and the wind is sending flying shards of glass all over my front porch.

I sat for 1 hour in a miserable room filled with other couples in the court house listening to a slide show about filing divorce paperwork, I kept thinking it was the room where hope and love go to die. This followed by a lovely discussion with the partner in that venture which involved a lot of tears and more broken pieces of heart on the freezing side walk outside the courthouse.

This is just not my day. Sometimes I wonder if this is even my life? It's a little too much for me right now. I'm still functioning and the kids are great and the job is great but internally I'm wishing I could make a huge leap. Leave this past and pain and constant trying to do the "right" thing for others and just do the right thing for me. I really just want a life where I feel happy with the people, and do what makes me feel right. I'm not talking I'm going to start randomly partying or anything crazy maybe I'll just be a little more selfish and stop apologizing.

Maybe after I get some sleep...

Something good... I really LOVE my new job and if I'm not offered an extension or permanent placement I will probably be a little heartbroken

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